Finding the right therapist is a bit like dating—except instead of awkward small talk over coffee, you’re spilling your deepest secrets to a stranger. No pressure, right? But seriously, therapy is one of the best investments you can make in yourself. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, relationship drama, or just want to understand why you cry at dog commercials, the right therapist can help. But how do you find the one? Let’s break it down.
Identify Your Therapy Needs
Before diving into the vast ocean of therapists, take a moment to think about what you actually need. Do you want someone to help with anxiety? Depression? Maybe childhood trauma that still makes Thanksgiving dinners awkward? Different therapists specialize in different things, so knowing what you’re looking for is half the battle.
Think about whether you want someone who gives you practical tools or someone who just listens and lets you vent. Some therapists are like coaches who help you strategize, while others are more like a warm, supportive friend (except you pay them and they can’t ghost you). Understanding what feels right for you will save you from choosing someone who isn’t a good fit.
Budget is also a factor. Therapy can be pricey, but there are affordable options out there. Many therapists offer sliding scales, and some online options can be cheaper than traditional in-person sessions.
Find a therapist who attunes to you
Alright, so you’ve found a few potential therapists. Now what? You wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive, right? Most therapists offer a free consultation, or free discovery call, so use that time to get a feel for their style. Do they make you feel comfortable and safe? Do they ask good questions? Or do you get weird vibes, like they might secretly be judging your taste in music? Unfortunately, most therapists do not offer a free discovery call, which would make life much easier, but if they do, definitely take advantage of it.
Therapists have different approaches, and some might not match your personality. If you need someone who is super direct and tells it like it is, a soft-spoken, passive listener might not be your best bet. On the flip side, if you just need a safe space to vent without a bunch of advice, a hyper-logical therapist who treats every session like a problem-solving meeting might not be the one.
Diversity also matters. If it’s important to you to have a therapist who shares your cultural background, gender identity, or life experiences, don’t be afraid to prioritize that. Therapy is about you, and feeling understood is a big part of the process. The goal is to find a therapist who just gets you.
Choose between online and in-person therapy
You could find the most brilliant therapist in the world, but if their office is an hour away and only open on Wednesdays from 2-4 PM, guess what? You’re probably not going. Convenience is key. Think about whether you prefer in-person sessions or online therapy. Virtual therapy is great if you love the idea of deep emotional work while still wearing pajama pants.
Some people thrive in a cozy therapy office filled with plants, books, and the occasional emotional support dog. Others do better talking to a therapist from their car on their lunch break. The beauty of modern therapy is that there are so many ways to do it—find what fits your lifestyle.
Also, consider how often you want to go. Weekly? Biweekly? Some people start out seeing a therapist often and then taper off as they start feeling better. Others need ongoing support. Be realistic about what you can commit to because therapy only works if you actually go.
Don’t settle: it’s okay to change therapists
Here’s the deal: Not every therapist is going to be your perfect match, and that’s okay. Sometimes, you’ll realize after a few sessions that it’s just not clicking. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable opening up, or maybe they remind you of your high school math teacher (trauma!). Whatever the reason, it’s totally fine to switch.
Therapists expect this. Seriously, they’re not going to take it personally. It’s like breaking up with a barista who never remembers your coffee order—annoying, but necessary. You deserve someone who makes you feel safe, supported, and challenged in the right ways.
Trust your gut. If you leave every session feeling drained, misunderstood, or like you just wasted an hour, listen to that feeling. Therapy should be helpful, not frustrating. There are so many amazing therapists out there—don’t settle for one who isn’t working for you.
Give it time, but also trust yourself
Starting therapy can feel weird at first. It takes time to open up and get comfortable with someone new. But give it a few sessions before making a final judgment. The first session is usually just paperwork and awkward small talk, so don’t let that be the deciding factor.
At the same time, don’t force yourself to stay with a therapist just because you think you should. Therapy is about you, not about making your therapist happy. If it’s not working, it’s not working. And that’s okay.
The right therapist will make you feel heard, valued, and understood. They’ll challenge you in the right ways, celebrate your growth, and help you navigate life’s chaos with a little more clarity. And when you find that person? Therapy becomes less of a chore and more of a game-changer. Good luck!